The pause of the threshold- so love this -- so sorry, Jenn and what a beautiful essay. As someone who has had death hovering around for a bit- I'm struck by how ultimately she won't be ignored- and yet, how she is just as much a part of life as she is a great big disruption. I don't know why I think of death as she. Maybe the Goddess Kali. thinking of your family and sending love.
I'll have to look up Kali. Thank you for sending love. And during this time of life, death is hovering in all kinds of ways, isn't she? I guess the older we get the more she becomes a companion.
This is weird/ironic. I once had a student tell me I reminded him of the goddess Kali, and had never heard of her before (smile). She's a fascinating character, albeit a bit creepy. And I'd agree, she comes to mind now, too.
Yes, at first when I started looking her up, I was a bit chagrined that I'd been compared to her, but then the fierceness kinda made sense (smile). And of course, benevolent!
There is so much here, I can't even. With the pigs and the whale carcass (!), the trench (I mean, comon with the perfect real life metaphor) and the urgency, and then when the urgency seems so urgent but you know it's not because death is staring you down. All of life — and its true existence as one big threshold — is perfectly captured in this essay.
Thank you, Blair! And the thing I love so much about writing is that I thought nothing at all of the trench until I sat down to write and process. (Slaps forehead)
This really hit me, Jenn. In literature, we know if a character passes over or through a threshold, they can never come back in the same condition. Such as we in our own lives. And I've been experiencing this in ever more intense ways.
I was 20 years old yesterday, fumbling along, trying to find my way in a world I found to be utterly scary, then turned my entire life upside down at 40, again at 60, and then I suddenly wake up at 70, wondering if my life has been worth it, if I did anything truly important to ease the way for anyone. And it happens that fast. You sprint down to the mailbox and come back to find yourself needing a nap already.
On the animal experience. I wanted to plug a service that is nationwide, and that was the most incredible experience my husband and I had had with a dog who was dying. A very compassionate vet gave us the number when she said she couldn't come to our home, which is what we wanted. Look up "Lap of Love." There is one in Olympia. We were the two most heartbroken people on earth, and literally, when this incredible vet left our home, we looked at each other and felt we'd been through a life affirming moment. It was just amazing. I would recommend them in a heartbeat to anyone facing this. And the cost was much less than what you paid for all those tests, Jenn. Just keep in mind for future reference.
So true about "never coming back in the same condition." All of the losses, small and large, the accumulate and transform. I know you know this in your bones.
The pause of the threshold- so love this -- so sorry, Jenn and what a beautiful essay. As someone who has had death hovering around for a bit- I'm struck by how ultimately she won't be ignored- and yet, how she is just as much a part of life as she is a great big disruption. I don't know why I think of death as she. Maybe the Goddess Kali. thinking of your family and sending love.
I'll have to look up Kali. Thank you for sending love. And during this time of life, death is hovering in all kinds of ways, isn't she? I guess the older we get the more she becomes a companion.
I love that reframing of her as a companion- rather than the grim reaper. I'm going to sit with that and take that in.
This is weird/ironic. I once had a student tell me I reminded him of the goddess Kali, and had never heard of her before (smile). She's a fascinating character, albeit a bit creepy. And I'd agree, she comes to mind now, too.
Yes- fierce and benevolent! I used to be terrified of her.... but now I'm realizing she's inevitable and is never not around.
Yes, at first when I started looking her up, I was a bit chagrined that I'd been compared to her, but then the fierceness kinda made sense (smile). And of course, benevolent!
There is so much here, I can't even. With the pigs and the whale carcass (!), the trench (I mean, comon with the perfect real life metaphor) and the urgency, and then when the urgency seems so urgent but you know it's not because death is staring you down. All of life — and its true existence as one big threshold — is perfectly captured in this essay.
Thank you, Blair! And the thing I love so much about writing is that I thought nothing at all of the trench until I sat down to write and process. (Slaps forehead)
This really hit me, Jenn. In literature, we know if a character passes over or through a threshold, they can never come back in the same condition. Such as we in our own lives. And I've been experiencing this in ever more intense ways.
I was 20 years old yesterday, fumbling along, trying to find my way in a world I found to be utterly scary, then turned my entire life upside down at 40, again at 60, and then I suddenly wake up at 70, wondering if my life has been worth it, if I did anything truly important to ease the way for anyone. And it happens that fast. You sprint down to the mailbox and come back to find yourself needing a nap already.
On the animal experience. I wanted to plug a service that is nationwide, and that was the most incredible experience my husband and I had had with a dog who was dying. A very compassionate vet gave us the number when she said she couldn't come to our home, which is what we wanted. Look up "Lap of Love." There is one in Olympia. We were the two most heartbroken people on earth, and literally, when this incredible vet left our home, we looked at each other and felt we'd been through a life affirming moment. It was just amazing. I would recommend them in a heartbeat to anyone facing this. And the cost was much less than what you paid for all those tests, Jenn. Just keep in mind for future reference.
So true about "never coming back in the same condition." All of the losses, small and large, the accumulate and transform. I know you know this in your bones.
💜